The thought of dying can be a worry for some, especially those who are terminally ill, aircraft passengers or just in their "autumn" years, that is why we target most of our advertising to these groups, but you don't need to be dying soon to benefit, that's why we started the Over 50 plan.
For over £50 a month you can guarantee yourself the afterlife you always dreamt of.
This plan is backed by the Tenpasenta Church, Europe's largest and wealthiest secular Church, we specialise in offering the highest quality religious style experiences that money can buy, and that includes special deals made between us and higher imaginary authorities, enabling us to offer afterlife guarantees that real Churches can dream of.
By relieving your bank account of relatively small amounts of cash each month, you're in the plan, it will be a big relief to you on your deathbed knowing that you're just one step away from the afterlife and eternal bliss, and it's all thanks to us.
Contact our Afterlife direct team today, once you've joined, a special free welcome gift will be posted you. Act today to avoid the winter rush, (if it's winter now, hurry up)
SUBSCRIPTION
Free gift for you.
Fees update.
We have changed our life long subscription to reflect the hardship many are feeling during this financial period, therefore from midnight on 22nd April 2009, the vicar has declared a one off payment of only £4500 for ANY age is all that is required for a life subscription, all low income earners over 106 years old will get FREE membership!
There has never been a better time to join and guarantee yourself that afterlife you do or don't deserve.
Every life subscription not only includes a free gift, but also free entry into the Tenpasenta Church estate, at £5 per entry the more you visit the more you save! Plus if you wear your complementary vicar style dog collar when you visit, our real vicar's will let you do some unpaid work, this could hasten your transit to the Afterlife if you are elderly or ill, a truly great service.
10% Tithe standard.
As we all know the most secure way of getting to Heaven and the afterlife is through a regular tithe payment system, unlike other Churches who accept 10% of your cash for basically no return, we offer the afterlife you were indoctrinated into believing was real, and who are we to shatter your childish dreams?
As long as your donation is larger or equal to our minimum payment plan, your safe transit to the life after death is fully guaranteed.
Remember the Tenpasenta Church is the only Church to guarantee eternal life and still give you Sundays all to yourself.
CONCERN
Earn up to 70% no claims bonus!
AFFORDABLE
PLUS
Premiums range from £50 to £200 month, but if you would like to pay a lot more you can.
The first month’s premium is not free, benefit from knowing your own money is going straight into your chosen plan and our bank.
The premium you choose will never go down, and your cover will never go down either, no matter what happens to your health relax in knowing your future is safe.
You will get a special gift to welcome you into the Plan. For each friend you invite to join you will receive their gift instead of them, which is sweet.
You need to keep paying into the plan every month throughout your life, if you were stop paying the Grim Reaper will delay your transit to the afterlife.
If you were to become seriously ill just before your death, be sure you informed a close friend about your payment dates.
You'll have access to to your local library or a real Church, where you can find out all about the afterlife you've just bought in to.
A confidential information line is also available to you free from NHS Online, there you can track your state of mortal health, and estimate how long you have left to pay.
GIFT
Why not give the ultimate gift to the one you love, that gift being a guaranteed afterlife, care of the Tenpasenta Church.
Some may call it the gift money can't buy, but they are wrong, you can buy it from us at very good rates, they don't even have to be nice people.
For a one off payment of only £4500 they are in. Once bought you will be issued with a blank afterlife gift voucher, you can then pass it on at that chosen time, imagine the joy and relief this gift will bring, especially to an elderly or sick friend or relative.
This gift is the ultimate gift, but once sold they cannot be returned as unwanted, we're not Marks & Spencer's you know.
GUARANTEED
The Tenpasenta Church has been selling no frills afterlife plans for 169 years, in that time nearly eight million people have signed up with us and nobody that was confirmed dead has made a complaint, a ringing endorsement in itself for the quality of our service.
We are so confident that you will be fully satisfied with your efficient transit to the afterlife, that we have put in place a 30 day 100% refund guarantee.
Full terms and conditions of our guarantee are available to see in our Red Book on request.
To claim a refund if not fully satisfied, simply fill in the form placed in your coffin within 30 days of death, you really can't go wrong with our rock solid guarantee, unless cremated.
