We have an on-site medical team trained in all aspects of Geriatric medicine, they are just a moment away to provide what could be life prolonging care.
Night care may not be on par with our day care, but as most people die in their sleep, it makes sense not to stretch our staff. Don't fear neglect at night, six world class Nigerian "nurses" offer first class cover, bringing a wide choice of Digestive biscuits and tepid tea or coffee around the ward every three hours, they even have training in high speed arse wiping, which can bring relief. We offer a patient turning service to prevent pressure sores, a symptom many readers will remember from days in bed while unemployed.
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Day care takes place in our large lounge, we have a selection of high backed urine and drool repellant chairs, or a range of wheelchairs, perfect for quick positioning under an open window if required.
A 60inch Sony plasma high volume television is available to watch old films on, this is an on request service, and because none of our decrepit guests even know what a plasma TV is, it's still in the box.
Brian likes to visit and give his renditions of popular songs on his guitar, he can't play or sing a note, but we've had no official complaints to date, but he was once seen leaving with a walking stick stuck up his arse, there's life in at least one of these old codgers.
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